1 Pet. 3:1-7 - A Message for Wives and Husbands

3:1-6 - Wives, let your beauty be from within
1 In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live,
2 when they see your pure and reverent conduct.
3 Let your beauty not be external - the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes -
4 but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God's sight.
5 For in the same way the holy women who hoped in God long ago adorned themselves by being subject to their husbands,
6 like Sarah who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You become her children when you do what is good and have no fear in doing so.
7 Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as the weaker partners and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.

Working on these seven verses made me more nervous than many others. Whatever I say is probably going to make someone angry. I realize this letter was written to a different time and culture, so the relationship of men and women would be different than our day and age. The social mores change with each generation and each culture. Today, people who want you to believe that women are equal in every way are conveniently refusing to see the obvious. In general, men are physically stronger than women. The fastest Olympics women sprinter are never as fast as the men - nor can they lift the same weights. Their times in the skiing competition are slower than men's. Their times in the distance events are slower. This does not make them lesser human beings than men, just different.
On the other hand, we know that "all scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching..." 2 Tim. 3:16, 17. Some scripture is for exhorting believers, some are commands. Some are history. Many of us can agree that some the commands of the Old Covenant no longer apply to believers (sacrifices, holy days, etc.) The commands of the New Covenant are few, with respect to the quantity in the Old.
Do the following verses fall into the 'culture specific' instruction or commands, i.e., when this was written, women were second class citizens and should be kept quiet and invisible. Or are these commands universal, and to be applied to every generation and culture, like 'believe and be saved', or 'go in to all the world...'?
The process of deciding which biblical verses are applicable to you and me is potentially hazardous, and not a path to be tread lightly. The decision to be literal may also seem correct, but strict application can lead to bone-headed actions. When is a command not a command but a real good suggestion, or a nice guideline?
This passage is very similar to 1 Timothy 2:9-15, dealing with basically the same subject with respect to Christian women. It is important to remember that women had prominent positions in the early church. Several in Paul's ministry herald church meeting in their homes. Timothy was revised in the faith by his mother and grandmother. Some of the most faithful disciples of our Lord were women. The following verses are not an attack on women, nor should they be an affront to women.

Here we go down a double black diamond run.

v. 1-2: - "In the same way..." - What 'same way'? This takes us back in the letter to find the way to which Peter is referring. Go back to chapter 2, starting in verses 11, 12. Our behavior must be above reproach. We are to obey civil authorities - our government. We are to obey and respect our 'masters' (i.e., slaves, or for you and me - our bosses, managers, business owners.) At no time is our behavior to bring dishonor or reproach to Jesus' name. As a believer, I am a representative of the King of Kings. Once, a long time ago, I was in the office and making some comments. A guy sitting the desk next to mine quietly said, "You know, that is not very Christian." I don't remember what I was doing or saying, but I remember his comment. I was taken aback for a bit. As I thought about what he said, I knew he was correct. I changed my behavior. I was being a bad representative for Christ. This admonition is given to us by Jesus our Lord. He did not bluster, or argue, or fight the authorities. The apostles are also examples of what our actions should be. Peter, James and John were obedient servants of the civil authorities, until they were gold to not preach about Jesus and the salvation He provides. "We must obey God, rather than men." Acts 5:29. Here Peter is not talking about obedience to governments. He is addressing the relationship of husband and wife.

"wives, be subject to your own husbands" - This not about subjugation - being conquered, being dominated.
Several years ago I attended a seminar "The Role of the Man in the Family" (I believe the author and leader was named McDonald.) One of his main ideas was to get us to understand men and women are different. God designed us this way. The family is the basic unit of society, centered around one man and one woman together. The man's role is to be the hunter/provider/protector. The women's role is care and nurture the family. Both roles are needed to be a complete unit. Men are usually the risk takers. The women are usually that are more practical and concerned for the well-being of the family unit. As he humorously put it, "The man has all these great ideas and plans. The woman has the bucket of ice water of reality." This is not to say women are kill-joys. The husband and wife must work together for the good of the family. He says, "I want to go and do this great thing." She says, "What is the cost to the family, our kids? Will we lose our home, our security?" God designed the family with a hierarchy. Just as there is God the Father, and god the Son, there is God the King of Israel, his chosen bride, and Jesus Christ with His chosen bride, the church. God loved Israel as a husband loves his wife. God considered the disobedience of the Israel nation, when they turned to worship other gods the same as adultery. The prophet Hosea addresses this issue.
Another concept taught in the 'Role of the Man in the Family" was the idea 'umbrella of protection' (This concept was also discussed in the 'Basic Youth Conflicts'by Bill Gotherd). The nation of Israel was under God's protection as long they were faithful to Him. Christians are Under Christ's protection (1 Pet. 1:5) as they live in the power of the Holy Spirit. There is an 'zone of protection' for a family when the family unit is operating correctly. God has deisgnated the man as the 'head' of the family (the concept of hierarchy). Often decisions must be made for the family, and after the husband and the wife discuss what needs to be done. The wise husband listens to his wife, and takes her opinion seriously. Now, if both people agree on the path to take, no problem. If there is no consensus, and a decision must be made, that decision falls to the husband. The meaning of 'being subject' is that the wife should accept the husband's decision. She may not be happy with it. If the plan fails, based on the husband's decision, it is not her responsibility, but his. If she fights against his decision, and works to undermine his decision, which leads to the plan failure she is now responsible. She has stepped out of the God designed protection of the family unit.
That was a rather long-winded explanation. Being 'subject' does not mean the wife has to be subservient and demeaned. The husband wife are equal partners in the marriage. The hierarchy is husband, then wife, and then children; following the hierarchy of heaven God the Father, God the Son, and the church.

"they will be won over without a word" - Husbands will be won to the Lord through their wives if the Christian wives are subject to their husbands. The husbands will take note of the wives behavior, and knowing the wife is a Christian, and may be won. If the wives oppose the husbands, that too will be noticed. The non-believer may become embittered, and turn on the believing spouse and attack their belief. We must love the unbelieving spouse to Christ.

v. 3-4: - "inner person of the heart" - The beauty of a Christian must be from within, and do not rely upon outer works. Peter emphasizes a "gentle and quiet spirit". A spirit such as this can only come when the heart is at peace with God. There is nothing that can disturb that tranquility, imperturbable because of complete trust in the Lord.

v. 5: - "holy women who hoped in God long ago" - Women of olden times, during the early Church era, holy women, were "beautiful" in this way - from within. Part of the purity of character was in their obedience to their husbands. Peter here takes the reader much further back than the early church - perhaps 2000 years.

v. 6: - "Sarah who obeyed Abraham" - Sarah is used as an example. Today's women can be her 'spiritual children' but must not be afraid of intimidation, because we are the Lord's, he will provide.

Husbands, your wife is an equal in God's family

v. 7: - "In the same way..." - That phrase again. 1 Pet. 2:21-25. Christ suffered for you and I. He is our example. He did not revile, he did not threaten. He sacrificed Himself for you and I. Husbands - Christ is your example. As the church is the Bride of Christ, and He gave Himself for the church, you are to love and support your wife. It is interesting to contemplatey who has the greater burden - the husband commanded to give his life for his wife, or the wife commanded to 'be subject'? Husbands, live with your wives. Love your wives. Be considerate. Follow Jesus's example.
Why should a husband do this (other than it is commanded)? Because she deserves honor - she is a child of God, an heir fo the mercy and grace the same as any man who has accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. 'Child of God' has a different connotation in the secular world. "We are all God's children" indicates that we are all the same underneath it all. In God's economy, we are all God's creation, not all are children of God. Only those who have accepted God's proferred mercy through Jesus Christ can claim the name 'Child of God'. Only those whose names are in the Lambs Book of Life will inherit eternal life with Him.
"treat your wives with consideration" - Husbands, treat your wives as co-equals in God's plan. Neithere the husband or the wife has earned their way into God's family. We are children of God by His grace. (Eph. 2:8-9) They too are children of God, if they accept Christ as their personal savior. However, women are to be treated gently and protected, because they are weaker. Not mentally weaker, but perhaps physically (e.g., strength and stamina). The man who does not listen to his wife at this point is a fool (someone who knows the right thing to do, and goes another direction). Working together as a unit they can accomplish great things, but perhaps at a more measured pace. The husband and the wife are complements to each other's tendencies. She may calm him down. He may 'stretch' her a little.
"weaker partners" - This is one of those 'hot potato' issues - no one wants to handle it. This can so quickly spiral down, feelings can be hurt, and can appear to be prejudiced and offensive. On the other hand why write these notes if you are going to hold back? What is meant, or implied by this statement, "weaker partner"? Let me preface with a couple of thoughts: (1) this is scripture, inspired by God, for teaching. I am not sure that we can toss aside an instruction or command because it only applies to 'that time' and not to us. (2) Our culture has become hyper-aware of 'feminist' or politically correct issues. Saying that men and women are different is almost forbidden.
I think women basically may be more vulnerable spiritually. This part of the nature God gave them to be more nurturing and caring. Because they care and are more aware of relationships they may be more easily led (gullible). Men must be considerate (we are commanded to do so) of our wives spiritual condition and guide them. Never, ever lead them astray from the faith! We cannot belittle them. We must treat them with the same consideration we give to fellow Christian brothers. If sin toward a believer hinders our fellowship with God, likewise, sin (wrongful attitude toward Christian women) will hinder our fellowship with God.

***