Col. 3:18 - 4:1 - Guidelines for Family Living

This verse begins a new section of thought, dealing with more personal relations. This is a more specific application of the previous verses.

Guidelines for family living - Wives

Vs. 18 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

- Paul expands on verses 3:18-4:1 in Eph. 5:22-6:9.
See: - 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who qloves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Chap. 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 5 Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; 6 not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. 7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. 9 And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

Let's look at verse 18:
- 'wives...' - be obedient. Look to Christ's obedience (Phil. 2:5-9) Except; “Submit” is not exactly “obedience”, only. God has designed the human family for its benefit.

- 'as is fitting' - It's the right thing to do, because of their faith. These ideas are not popular in culturally. Wives submitting is an anathema. They want to 'be their own person'. This is not wrong, or sinful, by itself. The danger is that it leads to an attitude of total self-dependence, even against the Lord. Also, there is an 'umbrella', a penumbra of protection for the wives when they acknowledge the assigned leadership of the husband.
This is NOT superiority of man over woman. This is God's design for the family. On the other side of this, men are instructed to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. O.K. Who has the heavier burden - obedience or loving to the point of dying for them if need be?

Guidelines for family living - Husbands

Vs. 19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

- Husbands are not to be harsh with their wives. Why this admonition? If I love my wife, why would I be harsh or bitter towards her? I think part of the answer is that men and women are different. (DUH!) In general, it seems men are more linear in thinking, women are more relational. Men are sort of "See problem. Fix problem." (You could add, "If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway".) Men are often not subtle.
Note how often a man will ask his wife a question that only requires a 'Yes' or 'No' answer. Also, see how often he receives a multi-paragraph answer, that may not clearly answer the question. Women face the same type of difficulties - often they are put off by men's direct approach. They want to 'talk about it', they want to know how we feel. ("I'll tell you how I feel. I feel I want to fix it. Just get out of my way.") (By the Way: Wrong answer!)
Those differences, designed by God, when blended together in a family make both the husband and the wife better. When we fight against that blending, we get frustrated, which leads to anger and bitterness. She makes me a better man. She softens my blunt hammer/nail approach. She helps me to see a better way. I can help her in other ways. It is not that it is my job to remake her, and vice versa. God uses my wife to scrub off my rough edges.

Guidelines for family living - Children & Fathers

Vs. 20 - Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

- We see here the further development of God's umbrella of protection the family is to provide. This is also a "type" of our relationship to God. Not only does obedience to earthly parents please God, but obedience to our Father in heaven pleases Him. As in all things, these concepts can be pushed too far. This happens especially when we focus on the process, or the outcomes, instead of on Christ. He knows what is best for our families.

Vs. 21 - Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they will not become disheartened. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

- 'Provoke' - What do we do that would drive them to provocation? What do we do that causes them to give up? (We cause them to become Disheartened.) Perhaps it is inconsistency. If they do not understand what is expected, if the decisions made are seemingly contradictory, their tasks are nearly impossible.

I had a boss at a consulting engineering firm. He seemed to second guess my decisions. He would make a comment about a design decision. So the next time I came to a similar situation, I did it the way he indicated. And, he wouldn't like it, making a comment, which caused me to change. So the next time I did it the way he had indicated. He wouldn't like it! I finally asked what was going on. It came out that he felt the changes he indicated were suggestions, basically aesthetic changes to the design presentation - he didn't expect me to change exactly. But I was frustrated and discouraged.

Likewise, when we are not clear and consistent, our children struggle. They love us, and want to please us (mostly) - inconsistency causes fear, anger, frustration, discouragement.

- 'exasperate' - by either being too harsh and unyielding, or by non-discipline. Discipline is not punishment (per se) but a long range planning and guidance program to bring the children to a level of self-discipline. You as the parent will not always be there to guide their decisions. When this is accomplished the child will not depart. (See Prov. 19:18, 22:6.) Do not expect instantaneous perfection.

Guidelines for family living - Slaves & Masters

Vs. 22-24 - Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

- if we work so as to please Christ, men will surely be pleased. (See 1 Sam. 16:7b; Prov. 16:2, 7; Rom. 12:11).

- Note: Paul does not tell slaves to be free, but to be in Christ. Paul does not tell us to seek man's approval. God's standards are much higher than man's. If we strive to please Jesus in our work habits, our work production there will be no problem with our relationships to our bosses.
- Note: 'fearing the Lord' and 'It is The Lord Christ whom you serve'. People - aim higher! One of my favorite quotes from Vince Lombardi as he introduced himself to the Green Bay Packers, "Gentlemen, we are going to pursue perfection. We may not achieve perfection, but along the way we will find excellence." We will attain perfection when Christ comes again, or when we see Him face to face. But we are to pursue the perfection by the power of the Holy Spirit, and we will find excellence.”

Vs. 25 - For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.

- See 1 Pet. 1:17; Gal. 6:7, 8; Rom. 2:11. Interesting juxtaposition! Consequences, no matter who you are, will come to you because of your deeds. The 'For' at the beginning of the sentence refers back to something, but what? I think it refers to the previous three verses - 'external service', 'merely pleasing men', 'working for men, rather than Christ" - seeking to please men, rather than seeking to serve Christ. That is the 'doing wrong'!

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Chapter 4 verse 1 is a continuation of the practical application of the theory presented in the first half of chapter 3. The relational, person-to-person, part ends in verse 4:1.

Vs. 1 - Masters, treat your slaves with justice and fairness, because you know that you also have a master in heaven.

- See Lev. 25:43; Eph. 6:9. Jews were allowed to own slaves, as long as they were not Jewish, but foreigners. Jews were never to own another Jew. One has to wonder, how does owning another person square with 'justice and fairness'? I do not have an answer. It is not satisfying to go with 'slaves-to-sin' changed to 'slaves-to-Christ'. Jesus said we are no longer enemies, or slaves, but members of the family. We now have a different relationship with Jesus and the Father. Further study is required.

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