36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry.
37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.
38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.
V. 36 - “But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter” - This may not be prurient. Paul recommends that no one get married, in order to serve the Lord unencumbered. In this case, the man is already married and has a daughter. The problem is the daughter is unmarried, and hanging around the house. When we see the words ‘acting unbecomingly’, our minds immediately jump to incestuous behavior. I do not think this about fathers being tempted to do immoral things with his daughter. As she gets older, the chances of her getting married decrease. My best guess: the daughter is in love and wants to marry. If the father acts harshly, refusing to let his daughter marry, he is being overly strict or cruel, i.e., ‘acting unbecomingly’.
“let her marry” - Rather than force her into spinsterhood... It is not a sin to be married! It would be wrong to deny your daughter the chance for marriage and happiness because you (the father) insist she remain a virgin in order to serve the Lord as you believe needs to be done. If she wants to remain unmarried, it should be her decision - just as only she can believe and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior! You cannot believe for your child. (Oh, how I can attest to that! How I pray for my children, and long for them make the decision for Christ!)
V. 37 - “But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will” - Basically, if the father is confident that Christ is leading him in this direction, or is not wavering in this matter... There are no hard and fast rules in these matters.
This whole discussion is odd to our way of thinking. We do not run our families with same authority hierarchy as in those ancient cultures. Women did not run the families, the father had absolute control - not over just the women, but the children, boys and girls. (See note 1) Whether it was Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, or David
V. 38 - “both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage, and he who does not give her” - Again, no hard-and-fast rules here. Pray and take the matter to the Lord, and as He leads you, follow.
I don’t know if the the term “virgin daughter” is significant, other than if your daughter had already married and was now single (through divorce or loss) she was no longer under the father’s authority umbrella. The father could only give advice. I do not think this was addressing a family situation in which a daughter was no longer a “virgin daughter”, because she was having pre-marital sex. An unmarried daughter having pre-marital sex may be disowned and banned from the family (that’s my reading of the situation, I could be wrong).
“does well” - If you follow the Lord’s leading, and have prayerfully considered the situation your are doing all the Lord requires. He does not want us to strike out on our own, but to talk with Him to get the guidance needed to make proper decisions.
Personally, I believe that if Paul was talking about fathers having purient thoughts or actions towards their daughters, he would be appalled and would have written accordingly. Doing such things would have set Paul's hair on fire! He would have chastised them and warned them to flee from that sin. He would have prayed that the fathers would cease and desist (stop now, and stop doing it!). Advising them to let their daughters marry is a pretty mild reaction to an evil like having sex with your daughter!
Then, I decided to compare various translations of verse 7:36. I was surprised that several translations treat the "virgin" as the woman the man plans to marry. Which puts a slightly different twist to the verse. So Paul, if writing about a man contemplating sexual encounters with his bride-to-be, would advise them to get married so nothing untoward happens.
Note 1: There are many examples of women entrepreneurs in the Bible, and I do not mean the prostitutes. In Proverbs, there are verses in which the industrious woman works and invests, and becomes wealthy. She even travels to other countries to buy goods for her business. In Acts, some of the most influential contributors to the church’s early growth were successful business women. Some are mentioned in the apostles’ letters. Women were not restricted to doing only what a man tells her to do. I do not see women as powerless in the Christian households, mere pawns dominated by the men. It appears that women got more respect in the Christian milieu than in the pagan family settings around them. The concept that a woman could accept and believe in Christ as Lord and Savior on her own, by her own will and understanding was a major step in religions. No longer were women just an adjunct of their husbands’ wishes and beliefs. They did not need permission to believe in Christ!
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